Years ago, I posted a playful heart-in-cheek article about the emerging post-feminist femme fatales (PFF) on a staunchly feminist website. A PFF, I wrote, was both an “accomplished woman in all political, social, environmental and economic arenas,” and an “enchantress.” Confident and graceful, funny and committed to social justice, she wore lingerie, laughed at her whim, ate her cake and shared it, too, without counting calories or flaws.

She also preferred a world in which men exist as co-creators. “A PFF fancies men – strong and capable, fresh scented or smelly, willing to ask directions or not. You are our husbands and sons, fathers and friends, lovers and muses, and life is infinitely sweeter with you by our sides.”

Such a woman wanted to be appreciated for her mind, and ability to work hard and succeed in the corporate world. “There’s no need to prove superiority, only a desire to excel,” I suggested. “We don’t want to compete with men; we are empowered and strong in our way, which is quite fierce by any standard.”

The backlash was pronounced. People were outraged and the vitriol was fierce. A few readers saw the piece as satirical or funny; most did not. Underneath the mountain of first, second and third wave feminism was a dynamite-filled mine laced with booby-traps (forgive the pun). Modern day feminists are feisty advocates for what they believe in; even if the manner by which they offer their view points – beliefs I wholeheartedly share – disengage potential allies, break funny bones or silence meaningful discourse.

I took the comments to heart, and stored the seeds of the concept away. It wasn’t so much a wound licking moment as a realization that the pendulum has yet to settle. As the saying goes: We’ve come a long way (I’ll drop the patronizing, ‘baby’). We also have a long way to go, and many are rightly indignant that when it comes to women, sex and power, the scales have yet to be balanced.

We ain’t going get there until we own our ‘Erotic Capital’.

What’s in Your Wallet?

British sociologist and former London School of Economics professor Catherine Hakim provoked heated discourse with her recent book introducing a bold and pressing look at the concept. In Erotic Capital: The Power of Attraction in the Bedroom and the Boardroom (2011), Hakim theorizes that in addition to social, cultural and economic capital, each person has a fourth asset called Erotic Capital that he or she should harness to advance within society – in fact, anyone not doing so is being unnecessarily foolish.

Described in the introduction as a ‘bold and controversial book’, Erotic Capital ‘explores the applications and significance of erotic capital, challenging the disapproval meted out to women and men who use sex appeal to get ahead in life.’

Hakim’s premise is that by harnessing the full power of your individual erotic capital – something we’ve apparently been doing despite the fact that social scientists haven’t been paying much attention to this juicy je ne sais quoi – represents “a powerful and potentially equalizing tool—one that we scorn only to our own detriment.”

“Sociologists and economists have long recognized three main types of capital: social, economic and cultural,” writes the noted NY Times best selling author and sexuality counselor, Ian Kerner. “Your capital depends on the assets and resources you can potentially use for gain, whether that means making more money or making more friends.”

By Hakim’s definition, erotic capital is more than just being sexy or having good looks. The six facets include:

1. Beauty

2. Sexual attractiveness

3. Social skills/likeability

4. Liveliness

5. Style

6. Sexual competence

“While one of these characteristics might make you gorgeous or funny or fun,” writes Kerner, “you need the whole group to maximize erotic capital. And you don’t have to be born with it – erotic capital is cultivated and learned and has a lot to do with your self-esteem.” Even if you’re blessed with oodles of the stuff, erotic capital will only serve you if you actually cash in on your assets.

Hakim’s theory is not without critics. Kerner and others point out that it is based on the assumption that women have lower libidos than men, something he takes some issue with. The number of women reporting that they want sex when their partner’s do not is on the rise, and one reason (many have been proposed) may be the massive increase in masturbation due to online porn.

“The Internet has made porn much more accessible – and the frequent masturbation it triggers may be making men too worn out for sex with a real partner…Men are masturbating 50 to 500 percent more than they would normally without Internet porn,” he says.

Sexploitation or Narcissism?

In an article for Jezebel, Anna North explores the problem of generalizing our sexual oomph in 3 Reasons Why Erotic Capital is Bullshit. “It’s notoriously difficult to determine people’s sexual desire from surveys, and all too easy to make blanket statements like ‘women make more effort to develop charm’,” North points out.

Erotic capital also depreciates and doesn’t necessarily translate into real economic power. “The bottom line is that ‘erotic capital’ is all about others’ perceptions of women, rather than about things women themselves can do or acquire. That’s the main reason ‘soft power’ isn’t real power — because when your influence is based on someone else’s desire, he’s the one who’s really in control.”

Then there’s the ugly little thing called backlash if you flaunt too much of your erotic equities. Rising celebrity doctor Lissa Rankin MD recently blogged about her venture down sensuality lane when she asked, Can We Be Both Sexy and Professional?

At issue was whether or not a woman risks too much for publicly sharing sexy pictures of herself while cultivating the spotlight of a more conservative mainstream media. Posting her imaginary conversation between her Gremlin and her Inner Pilot Light, Rankin voiced what I thought was a bold and thoughtful decision, and was heartily smacked by many commentators who called her narcissistic and self absorbed.

It turns out that erotic capital is an investment that comes with risks, some more uncomfortable than others, especially if you are a woman intent on increasing your assets. No wonder many are hesitant to restructure their portfolios. Much is still at stake in a society that views women’s sexuality as something tarnished, vulgar or dangerous, or as North points out, measured by how it is valued by others.

Naturally Sexy Beings

Here’s where my seedling starts to sprout again. I’m interested in stripping us of the view that our sexual essence and erotic power needs to be contained. It belongs to us. It serves us. It is ours. Beyond asking if we can we be both sexy and professional, and make investments in ourselves via our erotic equities is a realization that women are by nature sentient and sensual creatures.

I mean that literally. In our natural state of being – unencumbered by social constraints and stories, religious dogma or private worries, familial expectations or professional aspirations – women are erotic. We are libidinous. We are passion-filled lovers and wives, mothers and moguls, dreamers and doers waking up from a long slumber; a slumber that had us convinced our sexuality needed to be contained (to “protect” us) or was there to serve, entertain and minister to the needs of others.

I’ve come to explore and believe that a woman’s strength emanates from a primal, carnal place as much as it does from her brilliant mind and expansive heart. I’m no sociologist or hardened cultural critic with troves of research to substantiate what I have observed or learned intuitively. As a writer and an intimacy coach working with women to vitalize their libidos naturally, however, I’ve spent enough time poking around our secret erotic selves to learn that underneath our acculturated facades lurk fierce femme fatales yearning to live and love on full throttle, and not just because we want to snare a mate, secure that job or aspire to higher social standing.

Who do we serve when we cultivate and unleash our fully turned-on and tuned-in selves? Erotic capital turned outward may get us further in our daily and professional lives. Erotic capital turned inward may do something even more. Are women and the world ready for that new era in sexual power and awakening?

I’m counting on it.

I was in my 30s when I stumbled onto this ‘secret’, but it wasn’t until years later that I realized what I was experiencing had a name.  It turns out that if you do this one thing during sex, lovemaking can be surprisingly more satisfying.

Sounds unlikely, improbable or too good to be true? Perhaps, but you’ll never know how great intimacy this way can be until you give it a try…

This ‘awakening’ came by accident. I was inspired by a skillful lover to be fully present to ecstasy.

The experience can best be summed up in the words of the great mystic poet, Khalil Gibran: “And what greater merit shall there be than that which lies in the courage and the confidence, nay the charity, of receiving?”

On his initiative, I did nothing but allow him to pleasure me. On his insistance, I did nothing but relax into his embrace and let go of the mental static. By that I mean worries women have about themselves that keep them from showing up fully turned on and tuned in to the sexual moment.

How many times have you asked yourself:

• Am I pretty/thin/sexy enough?

• Do I sound weird?

• Does my breath smell?

• What if I fart? Oh God, anything but gas!

• Is he attracted to me or…?

Each time one of these gremlins made feel tense or anxioius, my lover gently brought me back to the moment with his lips & hands. Kisses treated my body to total and complete tenderness. Eyes said, you are perfect the way you are. Husky voice murmured, accept this gift.

Yes, my body answered.

For the first time in my life, making love felt like a prayer.

Your Body is a Pleasure Palace

Your body is built for pleasure. Your mind gets in the way. It’s time to become your own Courtesan again.

How? Simply by receiving. Relax into your natural state of receptivity and allow ecstasy to flow into your awareness as your senses take over and desire is inspired…

Wait! You say that sounds dangerous, foreign and forbidden. Religion teaches us something else altogether with sins of the flesh, etc. If you want another take on how to get dogma out of your bedroom, read here. For the moment, consider that your disconnect from your body is an artificial split.

Afterall, did the divine make our bodies and the devil slap on the genitals? Did the divine give us eyes to see, ears to hear, lips to taste and hands to touch…only for the experiences we are built to have something to be feared?

“Orgasm is a private place, no matter how many people are in bed with you.”

Your problem isn’t just about belief. In our achievement-focused world, we feel the need to excel. Performance anxiety sets in and goals become the main focus. The journey within and towards experiencing the joys in the beautiful natural worlds within and around us are thwarted. Goals may matter; the journey matters more.

What should be our nature — to float gently in the pleasure of each caress, each nibble, each tactile sensation that reminds us of our somatic natures and desirability — instead feels foreign, freaky or forbidden.

The result? The pressures of the boardroom have contaminated the enchantment of the bedroom. Yes, orgasm matters…and the journey to get there matters even more to your sense of wellness, happiness and wholeness.

Your Secret Sensual Self

Physical intimacy builds stronger bonds. The problem becomes that orgasm – with all its benefits to the body, heart and soul – can often experienced as a target, rather than a delicious sensation on the continuum of making love.

Sometimes, just sometimes, it is not the transcendent experience to which we should be reaching.

That is because, in the pursuit of sexual release, we build up ‘solitary’ tension. During orgasm, you are all alone, ‘getting off.’ Yes, orgasm is a wonderful experience  and when we climax, we briefly connect to our primordial, secret sensual selves. Still, orgasm is a private place, no matter how many people are in bed with you.

If orgasm comes less readily, you may judge yourself as flawed or focus and try to hard. Performance anxiety sets in. When you try so hard to cross the finish line, you miss the beautiful surroundings that beckon you to slow down, gazing into your lover’s face, and feeling the presence of something greater that reveals itself your bodies bond as one.

Get your Heart-Centered Sexy back so all your Erotic Moments are Sensational…Naturally. I can help.

Bonding, Bumping or Grinding?

Marnia Robinson has written extensively on bonding. The author of Cupid’s Poison Arrow and a regular contributor to PsychologyToday.com, Robinson believes that when you engage in sex that is orgasm-focused, you initiate certain chemical reactions in your brain that diminish your sense of connection and affection in your primary relationship.

“Call it lazy, call it slow, call it Karezza…or call this way of making love creative chemistry for couples.”

Instead, she encourages a specific form of non-orgasmic sex called Karezza (first introduced at the turn of the century). Practitioners remark how much slow sex emphasizes bonding behaviors enhance intimacy. The reason goes back to how our brains respond to them.

“These generous behaviors are the way we humans fall in love,” Robinson explains, and include, “affectionate touch, grooming, soothing sounds, eye contact, and so forth.”

How do these gestures create chemistry?

“Bonding behaviors, or attachment cues, are subconscious signals that can make emotional ties surprisingly effortless,” Robinson explains, because they activate ancient neural circuitry in the brain, specifically the amygdala, a region that serves as an emotional relay center.

Nurturing touch, caring that is genuinely selfless, or holding one another in stillness after a long day, seem to calm the brain down and cascade the brain with the neurochemicals (like oxytocin) that help lovers feel relaxed and loving, she explains.

Call it lazy, call it slow, call it Karezza…or call this way of making love creative chemistry for couples. Sexual intimacy that forgoes the bumping and grinding of orgasm can bring a more relaxed passion back into your sex life. It may sound paradoxical (more than a few clients have struggled before becoming converts to the idea) and yet it really can improve your sense of pleasure and play.

Imagine that.

If you’d like to learn more, contact me for a free discovery session.

:: photos by Robert Rubalcavo, fashion photography

Sensational Intimate Relationships. Naturally…I can help.

Tinamarie is a Natural Intimacy & Libido Expert for Women over 35.  Visit www.TinamarieBernard.com and REGISTER for her newsletters to get your FREE Copy of Five Ways to Revitalize Your Libido Naturally.  Find her on twitter and Facebook, or send her a private message.

©2010-2013 www.TinamarieBernard.com; PARTIAL reposts only permitted with link back to this original article.

One could even argue that the original sin was the invention of sexless spirituality. In an essay on the topic, David Crawford writes, “in the early Christian era a ladder image of spirituality emerged. True virtue was associated with movement upward, away from the earth.” Crawford further states that, “bodily mortification and celibacy were elevated as particularly honorable. Even among married Christians, those who abstained completely from sex were deemed more virtuous than those who had intercourse with the intent to procreate.”

A part of me has often felt less ‘meritorious’ for enjoying sex and believing it the ultimate form of shared affection. Over time, this dissonance has diminished, though it rears up when I’m willing to admit to myself that there are things I’d still like to do, and people I’d like to do them with, given half an ounce of a certain type of courage.

I also believe this split between the sacred and profane is one reason for the re-emergence of Goddess culture, the popularity of Tantra and schools of Sacred Sexuality, and other sensuous and body embracing worship modalities. Deep in our guts is an awareness that sex is the rare and ultimate human experience, and not just for pleasure, but for knowing the unknowable.

Orgasm and spirituality are twin pillars of transcendence. I am convinced that regardless of what dogma imposes upon our minds, the body knows differently. The body remembers at the cellular level what a millennium of perverting our natural urges has failed to eradicate: we are sensual, sexual, co-creative divine beings.

Conscious Carnality

If modern religions aren’t going to validate that for us, then lovers will turn to sources that encourage a healthy relationship between the mind’s consciousness and the body’s carnality. There’s only so much shaming a person can tolerate, only so many restrictions against what we know to be true to ourselves, before rebellion sets in. This happens at individual levels and in communities and is well documented so I won’t dig deeper on that point. I’m more intrigued by something else.

Maybe not all is hopeless for organized religions, and as Crawford writes, there’s another illuminating option: reinterpreting religious texts and what they say about human sexuality. He points out that sex for spirituality’s sake is, “more authentic to both Jewish and Christian heritages,” and looks to the Song of Songs to make this point.“

Here is a biblical love poem celebrating the joys of erotic love between a woman and a man. Although much of Christian interpretation over the centuries allegorized this poem into a symbol of ‘the purely spiritual’ relation of the soul and God, devoid of any carnal reality, it is, in fact, a sexual story. The setting is an erotic garden. The lovers delight not only in each other’s embodiedness, but also in the sensuous delights surrounding them: flowers, fruits, trees, fountains.

“The non-theologian in me prefers this joyful view to the austerity of conventional ones. My body responds viscerally to a higher truth that there is no split between the body and the spirit, and that if there was ever a sin perpetuated upon the whole of humankind, it was the one that said: what you yearn for is wrong, dirty or perverse. We are now beginning to realize that “repressed sexuality and repressed human development does not bode well for the human divine relationship,” writes Crawford.

“We are beginning to see that the bodily dimensions of feeling and emotion, longing and desire, are not foreign to but rather essential to a healthy spirituality.” Granted, it’s easier to own this when thinking about small sexual shifts and more unnerving when it comes to digging deeper into our private fantasies. That’s where the real exploring begins, and the stuff that must have inspired stories of vengeance, wrath and brimstone ala’ Hawthorne’s Hester Prynne.

Chaste isn’t Necessarily Pure

“Flesh and desire are not inherently evil,” says Crawford, but the idea that what we do with our bodies lacks spirit, or that spirit requires us to forgo pleasure, might very well be. When God created sex, I believe she smiled. The divine within us lusts to experience life, and sometimes in that process, we behave shamelessly. How unsettling that must have been to those who continue to set dogma in motion. How unsettling it is that many perpetuate the view that spirituality must remain chaste in order to be pure.

My journeys have helped me try on other points of view from those I learned in childhood. They have also helped me find purpose in desire to unsettle me in my wildest dreams. God/dess didn’t make us in a divine image only to have the devil slap on the genitals. Sexist dualism serves no purpose. We are created equally and with separate, whole and complete identities, and that means that what we do (between consenting adults) is in God’s image too.

Fearing how this might destroy our souls allows ignorance to consume us, and perpetuates private hells. Giving up sex for the sake of spirit is the disembodiment of our power. Alternatively, we have the option to maintain reverence for how sexuality in all its beautiful messiness brings us closer to knowing freedom and love. I finally get that. Any experience I have or will ever have is as it should be.

Submission or domination – if I were to play that way – are for pleasure’s sake, not to get the Church off.

Tinamarie is a natural intimacy & libido specialist for women over 35 who desire Sensational Intimate Relationships Naturally.

Claim Your Free Gift at www.TinamarieBernard.com

I am stumped. When did we start calling our parts ‘junk’? In the irreverent voice of modern society, is adult potty talk masking self-hatred or just an attempt to find a cheap laugh and a decent orgasm?

Motives don’t matter in the long run, at least not to my nether region. Yoni is very vocal about her preferences, especially since her procreative duties are done and gone, and we are finding out just as good, good loving can be.  She and I have have been reaquainting ever since we ditched the guilt about pleasure, and she’s really clear about a few things: erotic desires, care & maintenance, & a bit of grooming mostly.

Call her opinionated, but be careful what you call her. Hootchie-Cooter-Pussy-Va Jay Jay-Love Box-Pleasure Treasure is a lot of things, but she absolutely won’t allow you to say she’s junk.

Debris. Rubbish. Castoffs. Scraps. Not a single synonym is remotely close to describing that part of our bodies with which women have had a wide-ranging, complicated, should be only love – dangit why does shame, pain or guilt have to mess it up? – relationship.

“We’ve all been taught that people hug, kiss and make love. The more traditional focus on the commitment and marriage. Eventually, we discover fucking. The forbidden, hidden, animal side of sex that buckles our knees, heaves our lungs & breaks our hearts.”

From as far back as you can remember, you were curious. Every child is. We’re taught that our private parts, are well, private, and from some early moment we are hooked, long before hormones, certainly before anxiety sets in…

And after that snares us, a preoccupation with the forbidden fruit is guaranteed. Our parents may try to stop our forays into sexual exploration with threats of strange diseases that’ll turn us cross-eyed or mark us as irreparably naughty.  Adolescence hits us, and if we are lucky we are given some information that our sexuality is about more than making babies. We’ve all been taught that people hug, kiss and make love. The more traditional focus on the commitment and marriage. Eventually, we discover fucking. The forbidden, hidden, animal side of sex that buckles our knees, heaves our lungs & breaks our hearts.

“Debris. Rubbish. Castoffs. Scraps. Not a single synonym is remotely close to describing that part of our bodies with which women have had a wide-ranging, complicated, should be only love – dangit why does shame, pain or guilt have to mess it up? – relationship.”

If we are brave enough to drown out the talk of damnation firmly engrained in our collective mind, we eventually take a good look at our curves and crevices, change our vantage if not our perspective, now viewing our body from a split mirror: sexual vs. non-sexual. Good touch vs. bad touch. Sin vs. Pleasure. Clean vs. Dirty. Smells good vs. Repugnant. Oral vs. Not.

Give Yoni an chance and she will clear the air, separate the nonsense from the truth – on so many levels including just what our divine feminine essence really is – but by then we’ve been conditioned to ignore such messages.  Our vagina becomes something with which to manipulate lovers with. A snare. A burden. A liability. An object of and within our bodies and potential source of pain, fear, entrapment and shame as much as orgasm and birth.

It becomes so complicated, so nuanced, so fraught with confusion.

Let’s not even discuss the whole idea of virginity. The commoditization of our girls’ bodies goes way back. Intact hymen = worth. Anything less than intact = worthless.  Pleasure, love, ecstasy and joy, the priceless gifts that Yoni is meant to share become scrapped in the face of sexual oppression.

You know what is junk? A preoccupation with all things vulvular in the absence of seeing the whole woman. The valuation and abuse of a girls’ body against her will. The wanton disregard for what turns us on. The cutting away of clitoral tissue. I could go on and on, but then, you might think I’m mad.

“That is why I won’t even ask for forgiveness when I say, there’s no fucking way I’m jumping on the junk bandwagon.”

When I’m really not angry any more. My yoni and I have made peace. She’s no longer some abstract entity, but integral to who I am. She is me. I am her. We are one and the same.

It takes courage to begin to understand the sacred and sexual truth of this portal to womankind. An erotic lifetime of rediscovery.

That is why I won’t even ask for forgiveness when I say, there’s no fucking way I’m jumping on the junk bandwagon. Call a woman lot of names, those that rhyme with rich or worse. Call us cunts, whores, madonnas and more…or finally do away with the sticks, stones and barbie doll bones. Because, no matter how the world may try to scare, snare and tear us apart, this much I know for sure:  A woman and her yoni are anything but second-hand goods.

Tinamarie is a natural intimacy & libido

specialist for women over 35 who desire

Sensational Intimate Relationships.

 

As a sexy cook, you join a movement with a venerated history. From Cleopatra to the Mayan Kings, palates have consumed lust-inspiring herbs, spices and foods.  You see, you aren’t the only one curious about the legends and the truths to foods that perk up your parts, feed your libido and give an extra bounce in your path.

In general, aphrodisiacs can be classified into two categories:

• They either look like certain body parts and therefore inspire erotic thoughts

• They feed specific organs and improve overall health to enhance erotic deeds

When it comes to the latter, there are two organs we most want to feed: the heart and the brain. The latter is our primary sex organ, and it needs lots of healthy fats (think Omega 6) to cook up our fantasies and function at top form. What’s interesting to note is that our heart sends more signals to the brain than the other way around. While science figures the meaning of that out, the rest of us can concur that when it comes to making love, a healthy heart is key.

As a colleague puts it, ‘our skin may be the largest organ, and the one that experiences most of the sexy fun, but it is our heart that we most want touched when we are engaged in nocturnal pleasures.’

Still doubtful about that mouthful?

Conventional medicine has long scoffed at the idea that certain substances can rev up your engine, and until recently, it seemed that the naysayers were right. Recent anecdotal studies are more promising. A publication from Canadian researchers found that the world’s most expensive spice, saffron, is indeed a likely lust enhancer.

It isn’t alone. In no particular order, here are five herbs that will feed your libido naturally and put some fun in your feasts.

Saffron

Saffron is popular in cuisine from the Mediterranean coast and throughout the Middle East and Asia. Cleopatra is said to have bathed in saffron scented waters before making love. Even the Bible describes saffron’s seductiveness in the Song of Solomon:

“Your lips drop sweetness like honeycomb, my bride, syrup and milk are under your tongue, and your dress had the scent of Lebanon. Your cheeks are an orchard of pomegranates, an orchard full of rare fruits, spikenard and saffron, sweet cane and cinnamon.”

It has been suggested that part of saffron’s magical property is thought to be its enhancement of “lust” via certain neurotransmitters that stimulate libido or erogenous zones. Saffron may also lower blood pleasure and stimulate respiration.

Asian Ginseng

Asian ginseng is a traditional herb used in Chinese medicine to promote strength and longevity. It may also act estrogen-like to prevent vaginal atrophy.

Asian ginseng contains compounds known as ginsenosides that are thought to give ginseng its medicinal properties.

 Chili Pepper

No lips are left unaffected by this spice’s potent kiss. Rumor has it that Montezuma spiced his daily chocolate potion with chili before visiting his concubines, and to this day chili has a hot reputation. Chili may enhance arousal by helping to release endorphins, increasing the heart rate and creating a flush on the skin that mimics arousal signals.

Mint

This breath freshener makes kissing that much sweeter and it’s reputation goes way back. Both the ancient Greeks and Roman’s are said to have made generous use of this lush, green plant.

As a tea, it’s calming properties are an excellent way to wrap up a delicious meal. Mint also contains vitamins such as A and C and magnesium, calcium and potassium, important nutrients for sexual health.

Ginger

This root’s spicy, tangy hot scent aids digestion and circulation, always important for good health and performance. Subtly sensitizing our erogenous zones, ginger’s not so subtle shape earns the moniker by form as well.

And a Bonus Herb: Turmeric!

You are not alone.

Many women in committed relationships describe themselves as only ‘semi-happy.’

There can be many reasons why you are trapped in the Bermuda Triangle of loneliness, sadness & upset.

• Sexual boredom
• Stressed out days & sexless nights can stress relationships feel lackluster.
• ‘Semi-happy’ relationships lose that loving feeling.
• Passion fades as you drift further apart.
• There are often hidden barriers or toxic obstacles between you & your beloved.

If you feel like you are faking it, keep reading.

It is my belief that every woman deserves & desires the real deal – Sensational Intimate Relationships.

To cultivate Sensational Intimacy for two, you’ve got to be willing to explore the reasons beyond the obvious for your lack of sexual satisfaction. There’s a good chance that what’s holding you back from feeling connected to your partner is showing up elsewhere. If you aren’t TURNED-ON in the bedroom, it’s likely that other areas of your life are also lackluster.

Ask yourself…

• Are you the kind of woman who is okay with mediocre…or are you SMART & SPIRITED and willing to do whatever it takes to make all your erotic moments as sensational as they can be?

• Are you the kind of woman who hides from living large…or are you COURAGEOUS & CURIOUS and willing to go beyond your limiting beliefs about sexual intimacy?

• Are you the kind of woman who accepts the status quo…are are you BOLD ENOUGH to imagine living orgasmically and loving organically?

Are ready to unpack your sexual baggage, heal your upsets & banish your fears & pain around sex?

I developed the ‘Sexy By Nature’ coaching program for women over 35 in committed relationships who want to experience Sensational Intimate Relationships.

Think of it as an ‘INTIMACY INTENSIVE’ in which you learn how to…

• Cultivate more pleasure & ecstasy in your life
• Revitalize & nourish your libido naturally
• Become more comfortable with your innate sensuality
• Identify what inspires desire & communicate this to your beloved
• Awaken your inner flirt so you have more fun & play in your relationship
• Make love organically that feels good & is good for you too!

As a natural intimacy & libido specialist for women over 35, I can help you get your heart-centered sexy back.

I invite the curious to contact me to discover more.

Follow your momentum & bliss. Click on the link below. Discover how I can help you create the sensational intimate relationship for two that you deserve & desire. Make all your erotic moments soulful & sensational…naturally.

• Naturally Great Sex can be YOURS.

• Healthy, Vital Passion can be YOURS.

• Youthful Lusty Confidence can be YOURS.

Would you like to be your most turn-on, bodacious, confident & sensational self. I would like that for YOU. Why I am committed to YOU and helping you bring out your Sexy, Sensual Nature?

It’s simple: Every woman deserves to experience amazing intimate pleasure that is body, soul, heart & planet healthy.

The Dalai Lama has said that Western Women will change the world. Dr. Christine Northrup believes that Turned-On Women will change the world.

My mission is to help YOU be YOUR most bodacious, confident & sensational self. Together, we can make this world a better place to live and love in.

Want to learn more?

Read and learn more if you are…

• A woman in a committed relationship yearning to revitalize youthful, lusty passion

• A single woman eager to cultivate more joy & ecstasy in your life to share with your beloved

• A woman experiencing sexual pain or discomfort and you are ready to experience sensual pleasure & satiation again (or finally!)

My passion to help others stems from realizing how important sexuality is to our overall wellbeing.  “Great sex that is healthy and natural is good for all us. When we are connect to ourselves and our beloved in a soul-centered way, our whole world lights up.

Contact me for a complimentary 30 min consultation

Let us determine how I can help you create the Sensational Intimate Relationship you deserve & desire.

xoxox, Tinamarie

What others are saying…

“Intuitive”

“Sensitive & Witty”

Would you like to experience Great Sex, naturally?

Would you like to feel Sensual, Sexy & Confident again?

You are not alone.

Though estimates are hard to come by, it is thought that between 13-27 million American women will experience some form of sexual pain in their lifetime.

The reasons are many & traditional therapies often don’t always or fully address contributing causes or concerns. I was once there. Starting in my late 20s, sex became very painful. I suffered in silence and kept it a secret for years until I was diagnosed with a condition called vestibulitis.

Pain was only part of the problem.

The shame, anxiety & embarassment were just as bad.

On the outside, I tried to keep up the facade of being a happy and whole person, but inside I felt like a fraud…like an incomplete woman. I was lonely, self-conscious and frustrated by my situation, wondering if I would ever enjoy physical intimacy again.

There is a way to feel more confident, sensual & happy.

It is my belief that every woman deserves & desires the real deal – Sensational Intimate Relationships.

There is a way to feel more confident, sensual & sexy, especially if you are willing to explore the reasons beyond the obvious for your lack of sexual satisfaction. There’s a good chance that what’s causing you pain is showing up elsewhere. If you aren’t TURNED-ON in the bedroom, it’s likely that other areas of your life are also lackluster.

Ask yourself…

• Are you the kind of woman who is okay with mediocre…or are you SMART & SPIRITED and willing to do whatever it takes to make all your erotic moments as sensational as they can be?

• Are you the kind of woman who hides from living large…or are you COURAGEOUS & CURIOUS and willing to go beyond your limiting beliefs about sexual intimacy?

• Are you the kind of woman who accepts the status quo…are are you BOLD ENOUGH to shake things up and explore the unexplored?

Are ready to unpack your sexual baggage, heal your upsets & banish your fears & pain around sex?

I’ve developed the ‘Sexy By Nature’ coaching program for women over 35 experiencing sexual pain or discomfort.

Think of it as an ‘INTIMACY INTENSIVE’ in which you learn how to…

• Avoid Obstacles and Triggers that may be causing your discomfort
• Experience Sexual Pleasure again
• Feel Desire & Desirable with or without a partner
• Discover what Feels Good & Arouses you…and be able to communicate this to Your Beloved
• Revitalize and Nourish Your Libido naturally
• Expand your Erotic Wellbeing
• Manage and Minimize the Discomfort or Pain without medicines or surgery
• Cultivate More Pleasure in your Daily Life
• Fall in Love with Your Enchanted Self!

As a natural intimacy & libido specialist for women over 35, I can help you get your heart-centered sexy back.

I invite the curious to contact me to discover more.

Follow your momentum & bliss. Click on the link below. Discover how I can help you experience sensational intimacy again. Make all your erotic moments soulful & sensational…naturally.

Dear Sensational Woman,

As an enlightened, spiritual, sensual being, you desire to live and love bodaciously.  You care about your wellness and making a difference in the world and for your loved ones.

Sometimes it feels impossible to this when you’ve lost your confidence, joy and passion.

Know there is another way. You can live a TURNED-ON life. Your true radiant and sensual nature is waiting to be discovered.

No area is this most obvious than your intimate relationships. The epidemic of pain in our private lives carries over to our health and wellbeing, our professional success, and how we show up to the rest of the world.

The time for HEALING is NOW.

Don’t let fatigue, fear or frustrations hijack your sensual essence.

Intimacy is your birthright.

You are beautiful, desirable and worthy of love & pleasure. xoxox Tinamarie

Does this sound like you?

Your sex life is just so-so…boring, unsatisfying or non-existent.

You feel less than a whole & complete woman.

Your relationship has lost that loving feeling.

You are barely ‘semi-happy’ with your love life.

You avoid intimacy because you hate some part of your body.

You’ve been on diet after diet and still feel imperfect or unattractive.

“Let us share that YOU are NOT ALONE & YOU are NOT CRAZY.”

“You are trapped in the Bermuda Triangle of Food Fears, Sexual Shame & the Body Image Wars.”

Join Tinamarie  & Bonnie G. (creator of Sex Butter) for a life-affirming 6 week virtual retreat for women over 35.

Awaken Your Sensual Prime

Discover the Secrets of Women over 35 Having the Best Sex of Their Lives

The journey begins May 14, 2013

Register at www.SensualPrime.com

The millions of women in the US who are suffering is staggering…

• Sexual pain will devastate the lives of 13-30 million women sometime in their lifetime.

That’s about as many people diagnosed with diabetes. It’s the silent pain epidemic that no one wants to talk about.

• Self-loathing & body image angst affects 80-98% of women & girls.

When you hate your body or part of it, food which should be a source of pleasure & nourishment becomes something you fear. Your days revolve around obsessing over what you eat or how you look, and you stop yourself from enjoying wonderful activities with people you love.

• Sexual dis-eases will upset the lives of up to 43% women.

Vaginal dryness, painful intercourse, or the inability to be aroused or orgasm cause many women to feel unsurmountable heartache, loneliness, shame & sexual emptiness.

“Why should so many women be denied life-affirming pleasure, confidence & joy?”

We’ve been there.

We know what it’s like to feel trapped in the Bermuda Triangle of food fears, sexual shame & the body image wars. We know what it’s like to feel anxiety about sex. We know the sadness of relationships that break up. We know the pain of sexless nights, stressed out days & loneliness or isolation. We know about sexual pain or discomfort that can happen because of age, weight gain or weight loss or other intimacy woes.

We overcame sexual shame & pain, eating disorders & fears of food, and we NOW Enjoy the BEST SEX of OUR LIVES. Being Turned-On & in Our Sensual Prime feels awesome, and WE WANT YOU to feel this way too!

Don’t Suffer Another Moment…

Awaken Your Sensual Prime!

Discover the Secrets of Women over 35 having the Best Sex of Their Lives

“Yes. I want to join at the SILVER level” **

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or

“Give me the ultimate VIP GOLD Experience” **

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(**keep reading to learn more about what both programs offer)

JOIN the PLEASURE EXPRESS with hundreds of other women and learn how to finally…

• Love your body & finally enjoy intimacy that is body, heart & soul amazing
  

• Recapture that loving feeling, and cherish the lessons so you can create a love that is satiating at all levels
  

• Bring passion & pleasure back into your love life

• Enjoy great sex & sooth the sexual discomforts

You can change your life…

You can escape the Bermuda Triangle of food fears, sexual shame & the body image wars…

• YOU can become whole & complete.

• YOU can feel radiant & confident, sensual & strong, passionate & powerful.
  

• YOU can experience great sex & meaningful intimacy that is body, heart & soul delightful.

• YOU can AWAKEN Your Sensual Prime!

Awaken Your Sensual Prime!

Discover the Secrets of Women over 35 having the Best Sex of Their Lives

“Yes. I want to join at the SILVER level” **

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or

“Give me the ultimate VIP GOLD Experience” **

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The way of eating that’s best for your sex life has been around for ages, and it’s easier than you think.  Stocking sex-friendly foods in your pantry and preparing aphrodisiac meals for you and your beloved is just 4 steps away.

Keep reading to learn the secrets of foodies who eat for more than just good health. Your inner sensual siren will thank you soon enough!

So what’s the sexiest diet? One that is plant based.

One way of eating keeps rising to the occasion: The Mediterranean Diet is great for those who want to ensure lifelong vitality, fertility and reproductive stamina. This delicious way of eating is noteworthy for what’s it in – whole grains, legumes, nuts and seeds, fresh fruits and vegetables, fatty fish and limited dairy, eggs and red meat – as it is for what’s not in it: processed foods.

Another great option? Some are calling “Vegan” the new “Viagra!” Read how vegetarianism is good for you and your nether bits.

Whatever foods make it to your shopping list and table, there are some key ingredients that serve all foodies and lovers of aphrodisiacs alike.

Here’s are my favorite 4 Fs of Sexy Eating…

In a naughty nutshell, the more fresh foods we eat, the better our overall health and vitality will be. The SLOW food movement emphasizes eating sustainably and locally grown. As the article explains, organic and whole serve our bodies, minds & sex lives best.

“Sexual vigor depends on having strong and well-functioning organs to pump the blood and produce the hormones that regulate our sexual activities. Ovulation and sperm production are enhanced by nutrition-rich diets. Phytochemicals, enzymes and antioxidants are also essential.”

Sometimes it gets overwhelming to choose wisely when there’s so much advice about nutrition out there. That’s why the 4 Fs comes in handy. If eating for sexual health ranks high on your shopping list, and you want to stock a sex-friendly pantry, consider eating more:

Frisky Fiber!

Fiber is essential for our digestion, and fiber from whole-grains also helps with insulin function.

Think of things like millet, quinoa (which is a yummy alternative to use in Tabouli salad), buckwheat and amaranth, sweet potatoes and whole grain breads as the go-to choices for healthy sexy menus.

Fantabulous Fruits & Veggies!

Let’s face it. We all could use a boost in veggie power. In addition to getting your 5-9 servings a day, make it a habit to have 3-5 different colors on your plate at each meal. This will make it more likely that you get a wider variety of nutrients from your plant-based diet.

A healthy and sexy body depends on an abundance of vitamins and minerals that feed the brain and the heart.

‘Fornifying’ Fats!

Healthy fats are a necessity for sexual wellbeing. First of all, the brain needs these to function. Essential fatty acids like Omega 3 and 6 are absolutely necessary for hormone production.

The key to eating fats is to make sure they are the right kind – in this case, healthy options include olive oil, fatty fish like salmon and tuna (though one must also consider where our fish comes from and avoid mercury contaminated fish) avocado, nuts and seeds.

Med cuisine contains an ample supply of these types of fats compared to the typical Western diet that includes more animal fats. Not surprisingly, lower rates of erectile dysfunction are found in societies that eat the right kinds of fats (and excercise, etc.)

Fundamental Flavors!

Foods that are delicious and well seasoned please the palate and much as our parts. Experimenting with herbs and spices enhances the cooking and eating experience for the chef and the guest.

In some cases, there is evidence that certain herbs and spices have aphrodisiac or healthy benefits.

Want to learn more? Contact me for you free Discover Session today!

Tinamarie Bernard is an internationally known relationship blogger, speaker and educator and natural intimacy coach. She blogs at www.tinamariebernard.com.