Greenlight Card: Embrace Chance Encounters
Interview: Tips from Tinamarie
May 24, 2010
Here’s the latest of my occasional interview blogs–your chance to hear from someone, other than me, who’s in the “dating trenches” in one way or another. Without further ado, I give you Tinamarie Bernard…
Olive Juice: How did you become a dating expert?
Tinamarie: Does one ever become a dating expert?! I think my strengths lie in understanding how important INTIMACY is to the human experience. We date for one main purpose – to find a partner. Humans are wired for companionship, and yet for many of us, we aren’t really sure how to find someone suitable for long term relationships. Some people jump on board the first sailworthy ship that crosses into their harbors (like I did in my first marriage) and some keep waiting and waiting for the perfect dreamboat. Others seem to know early on how to choose, and sail away towards the blue yonder.
Excuse my corny puns! My point is that learning about authentic and conscious love requires work and inner reflection. What kind of lover do you want is the companion question to the more important piece: what kind of lover will you be?
This is what I try to explore in my writings at Examiner.com and other places. How can we approach love and relationships from a higher self, one that merges the sensual and the soulful with the sexual beings that we are.
Olive Juice: What do you think about the idea behind Greenlight Card–that single people should get out there and flirt–and do what they can to avoid missing out on an opportunity to meet someone they’re attracted to?
Tinamarie: As a fan of old-fashion courtship behaviors, I think this is lovely! Yeah, I know, ‘courtship’ has gotten a bad rap in some circles. Don’t think I’m not a feminist. I identify myself as such, understanding that there is no consensus of what feminism really means. I happen to love flirting! I think it is great fun, and any way to increase the flirtage in our relationships is a good thing. I also respect that others aren’t as comfortable with flirting, so this card seems like a good way to get the message across without stepping on someone’s feelings or sense of propriety.
Olive Juice: How would you describe what it’s like to be single today?
Tinamarie: I’m married and plan to stay that way! However, I’ve been there and know it can be a devastating experience, or not, depending on the perspective of the singleton. The single friends that I know who are the ‘happiest’ (not that I think happiness should be the goal of all our relating, mind you) are those who accept what is, and embrace their lives regardless of relationship states. They are the women who KNOW there are great men out there; they are the MEN who date women for more than just superficial reasons. On the other hand, men and women who come to the arena with specific criteria, higher expectations if you will, without taking a good look at their imperfections, tend to be the least satisfied, in my observations, about the directions of their romantic lives.
Olive Juice: What’s the greatest challenge for single people who are serious about wanting to meet their soul mate?
Tinamarie: Letting go of expectations. The ones society tells us we should have, and the ones our ego insists upon.
Olive Juice: What’s the most common thing people who want to meet other single people do wrong?
Tinamarie: They let fear determine the course of their relationship, instead of letting it unfold naturally. Hold your hands tightly around a handful of water, and what happens? It’s gone, poof, in an instant. Cup your hands, and the water stays.
Olive Juice: What’s the best advice you can give to someone who says they just can’t meet anyone?
Tinamarie: Read Love in 90 days by Diana Kirschner. She’s my inspiration when it comes to dating. I didn’t know about the book when I was single, however, when I read it last year, I was mesmerized by her insights. Sage, practical advice blended with a spiritual understanding that anyone can relate to.
Reprinted from Olive Juice and GreenLight Card
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Snapshot: When a single mom gets remarried
by singlemomseeking on April 29, 2010
“You sure do have a lot of self-help books.”
That’s what LG said to me when I had him over to my house for the first time, as he browsed my bookshelves. Yes, he seemed a bit unnerved.
“I’m NOT like that,” I said defensively. “A lot of publishers have sent those books to me to review.”
“Oh,” he said, slightly skeptical. And the truth is, although the know-it-all language in some self-help books rubs me the wrong way, I often turn to experts when I’m stuck. I’ve always been that way. When I’m scared or unsure, I reach out to others. That includes friends who’s listen, authors I’ve never met — and other bloggers, too.
So, perhaps it’s no surprise that as my life slowly changes (read = I’m getting married!), I’m turning to those who’ve gone before me. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been seeking out single moms who’ve gotten remarried. I’m going to start profiling these super women off and on here as “snapshots.“
For starters, please help me welcome Tinamarie Bernard, aka Modern Love Examiner.
Tinamarie and her first husband got divorced after almost nine years together “because, in a nutshell, our core philosophies, values, and expectations were way off from one another.”
Their son was two when they broke up, and she started “to do some serious soul searching.” This included finding a spiritual path in Judaism and deciding to convert. Within the year, at age 38, she started to date an older man long distance, “but he was just too broken for a relationship.”
“One night, feeling really blue, I went to a single’s event with friends. That’s when I heard this guy with luscious lips say in a funny accent, ‘I want to meet the woman with the beautiful eyes.’ ”
“H” was from Israel and he was immediately smitten about Tinamarie — although she was the first single mom he’d ever dated. After dating for JUST eight weeks, he took her to Israel to visit his family. Still, she was cautious. “He proposed after three months, and I said, ‘Yes, but not now.’ Three months later, he proposed again.”
At first, her son was jealous when he saw his mom holding hands with H. After they got engaged, Tinamarie started to let H. spend the night — and bring some of this belongings over. “We started with his cat. Over the course of a month, H. started to stay in the morning, and we talked to my son about how we were all getting married. As in the three of us. Not exactly spelled out, but my son would say things like, ‘When we get married, blah blah.’ ”…
