How often do you stare into the mirror, missing what makes you unique and exquisite?
Your angst is rampant and real (It’s not just women who feel bad. Men struggle too.)
The last time my waist was flat was when I was in elementary school; puberty brought curves and cushion, motherhood sealed the pouch.
My belly served a purpose. It was my armor, my barrier from before when I was too afraid to feel.
Feelings were scary.
It hung like a soft roll around my middle. Pounds were gained and lost along the roller coaster of dieting and an eating disorder. Before it had a name, binging was my go to place. But I couldn’t starve myself or make myself throw up. I didn’t have that nerve or self-control, and I remember feeling so inadequate in my pathology.
Friends who could make themselves vomit had all the attention.
I had the fat.
I was meeting a date for a late lunch. I had a major crush on this man.
I wanted him bad.
After lunch, he walked me to my car. Then as I leaned in to put my purse on the seat, he reached his hand under my blouse and touched my stomach. Truly, a brazen move done very, very well.
Large man hand caressed my tummy. Warm spread along my midriff. I closed my eyes. Weak with want.
Fear tried to crush me with another lie. That’s the fattest part, it whispered to me. I almost believed it until I saw arousal in his eyes.
His want was as urgent as mine.
Fear sulked away fast. I was done with it for good.
Built for comfort, not speed…yes, those are words I can own now with every dangerous curve.
What are you afraid of?
My guess is that you are afraid that if someone looks at you or touches you, they will judge you as flawed. Imperfect. Not. Good. Enough.
And because of that, you aren’t getting the kind of touch and love that you need.
Or you are hungry. Your skin is aching to be touched. You are going through the motions. I hear from you all the time and I know your sadness well.
Or the kind of touch you are getting feels like you are a Fisher Price toy and not a finely tuned instrument.
We are in this boat together. Sinking, sinking, sinking to the bottom or treading, treading, treading water to stay afloat.
Not fully alive, mind you. There’s no complete alive-ness if you are gasping at straws or for breath.
Where do you get the nerve to write like this…
They especially want to know why I went on the Sexbod Retreat if I am married. Why leave my marriage bed at home and journey away?
I went to be touched.
I went went on the Back to the Body retreat to tap into and feed my own needs.
Touch is for life. For nourishment and warmth. For pleasure. For hedonistic fun. For the novelty of new sensations.
For Healing. BECAUSE TOUCH HEALS.
I went because I HAD TO GO. Ever since my belly got a taste of the good life, she’s been leading me on this path.
You have choices to make. What are you willing to do to make peace with your body, belly and self?
Yes, you could easily point the finger at the media and scapegoat the fashion and beauty industry for what ails us…but that means tossing your power away.
That is the first step is finding the courage to give yourself permission to love who you are as you are.
Living a more sensually tuned in life and connecting heart, spirit and sexuality together is a newly woven tapestry is a much deeper process.
You have to be a warrior willing to put down your weapons to walk this way.
You have to be a teacher willing to learn from others to love this way.
You have to be willing to be a captain without a map to navigate your soul this way.
It’s a beautiful path. Frightening at times. Worth the sacrifice and the changes that will heave your lungs and buckle your knees. Are you ready for the next step and dance with your soul and pleasure in newfound ways? Your ecstasy awaits. Each day will look different from the last and no two people will find absolution in quite the same way.
It can be done.
If you need help answering that question, contact me.
Read about the SexBod Diaries here:Getting Naked with Strangers (vol 1) Working out the Kinks (vol 2) On the Scenic Route to Ecstasy (vol 3) Voyeur to Pleasure, Witness to Healing (vol 4) Easy Writher (vol 5) Ecstatic Friendships (vol 6) Orgasmic Pixie Dust (vol 7) Fifty Shades of Ripe (vol 8) Double P with a Side of V (vol 9)
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