Introducing “Laugh Lines,” semi-regular musings by a man. Join me as I welcome Mark Laughingbear to these pages, where love, sex and smut are fair game for his wit and wisdom…
A lot of people these days are making a big deal about orgasms. Who has them, who doesn’t. Why they don’t. Ok, so it seems that most of the “don’t” people are women. Yes, we now have a term for guys that don’t – ED, erectile dysfunction. Twenty years ago he was just the “old fart” that couldn’t get it up. Nobody made a fuss. Twenty years ago women either had them or they didn’t and if they didn’t they faked them! What’s the big deal?
Now that there are plenty of people searching for the iBomb application, or trying to figure out a DoS plan. Not me. That is, sadly, the perspective of a great many men of my acquaintance. Thankfully, I also know a handful who do realize it is a big deal. Hell, it’s the big bang! It’s not called the “petit morte” for nothing! Ok, it’s a French term for orgasm that means the “little death”. Seem a bit morbid for such a pleasant activity, no? Think about it. You build and build for whatever amount of time you require and at that one perfect moment, BANG! You release! You start breathing harder, your heart is pounding, your eyes are squeezed shut and you collapse. Does that not sound like a little death? Guys, imagine having that happen several times over the course of, say, half an hour!
This is one of those subjects about which I truly envy women. But only women who have found the man that understands it! For this reason, the male of the species can be separated into two categories: boys and men. Boys, no matter the age, are all about the spurt. If a female is present to facilitate, it probably happens more quickly. Men, on the other hand, have matured to understand that if the female is satisfied, there are greater possibilities and opportunities for them! Catch a clue, Neanderthals!
If you’re in the throes of a one-night stand, this is all irrelevant. If you’re in a relationship, a loving, committed relationship, it is VERY relevant. In theory, there is a deep-seated concern about your partner. I’m talking to both sides, for the moment. One of your goals is likely to be pleasing your partner. I certainly hope it is. (If you’re a user, disregard this article and move on to your next victim.) You may have spent months spending time together, learning likes and dislikes, favorites, attitudes, discovering the other. At some point, the differences and similarities have balanced each other and you find a genuine deep attraction. You agree to “take the next step.” If you’re a boy, it takes about 10 minutes to conclude. If you’re a man, it takes weeks.
Why weeks you scream at me? Because dear boy, you have just begun another phase of exploration. You are about to learn how she will explore you to discover your triggers and teases. You should be doing the same! There are two things you need to learn. First, take the time to explore every square millimeter of the body before you. If you have to, be scientific about; in your own mind! Touch here, lick there, and catalog reaction. That last part is important. KNOW what happens when and where. Also, pay attention to timing. A poorly timed nibble can end a session as quickly as a California earthquake! Second, learn the physiology of the female orgasm. Yours is easy. A little bit of visual stimulation, sufficient physical stimulation, and you’re done. She has levels!
Levels? What the hell are you talking about old man?!? I’m talking about that aspect of female sexuality that men should envy. Give them a little, the have little orgasms. Hit ‘em hard and fast and, sorry son, they fake it. Most of the time. Hard and fast doesn’t work that often. It can. But she has to be in the mood for it. What does work, if you have time, is to tease. Not a mean tease, although she might think it is. You need to learn her signals. When you can sense her intensity building, that’s the small one and you pause. You’ll know you did it right if she moans in despair. Give it a few second and then resume. Gently. Continue this, as long as your strength holds out, building and pausing, and you will learn what a multiple orgasm is. The Big One will amaze you! She will reach one of two conclusions.
She will either become painfully sensitive or be so overwhelmed with the seriously pleasant sensations that she’ll seem to be close to passing out. Don’t be surprised if she needs a nap. Let her have it. Get her a glass of water for when she wakes up. You just might be the recipient of your first massive release.
What’s the Big Deal? Time to find out.